Being Me

I'm too afraid.  I'm afraid of letting people know who I really am.  I'm afraid of people saying, "who does that girl think she is? She's nothing special!" I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid of not being in control.  So I put up walls.  I don't want to have walls here.  I want to just be real...be me.  Do you know that in college, where I was a VOICE major, I almost NEVER practiced voice.  Not because I thought I didn't need the practice and not because I was too lazy to practice.  Nope, I never practiced because I was afraid to have someone hear me practicing and go, "What in the world does that girl think she is doing here getting a degree in music?!"  I practiced piano all the time.  I was terrible at the piano.  I knew it, and everybody else knew it.  It just was a fact.  Therefore, someone hearing me and judging me didn't really bother me.  Who cares? I already know I suck.  But man, I regret not practicing voice.  I think I could have pushed myself further and learned more if I'd just gotten over my stupid fears and PRACTICED.

Anyway, this is my blog.  I'm here just being me.  You don't have to read it.  You don't have to like it.  You don't even have to like me.  But I feel like if I can't be at least a little bit open here, then what's the point? Why even have this blog?

So, I'm putting up a video.  It's just me...doing what I enjoy doing.  Doing something I do when I'm sitting around at night in an empty house.  This video was taken months ago (hence the old work shirt).  It's not professional or well done or even in sync (incidentally, why doesn't mac's photo booth keep things in sync?)!  It's just me being me.  So I'm posting it.  I'm posting it because I freaking love to sing.  I'm posting it because I have fun recording myself and then listening and critiquing myself.  I'm posting it because I actually like my voice.  That feels prideful to say somehow, but good grief, I spent years studying voice and singing in church.  Why bother with all that if I hate my own voice?  I ought to like it, right?  Not to mention, it's the voice God gave me!   By the way, I've already told you I suck at the piano, so get over it.   ;)