Sometimes I really miss vidding. It could be frustrating at times. I wasn't amazing at it. It wasn't important. Perhaps it was even a colossal waste of my time. Still, I loved doing it. No, really it was bigger than that. I HAD to do it. It was like there was something inside that needed to come out, and vidding was the only way I could do that. I'd hear a song, and an idea would come to me, and then I couldn't think about anything else until I started putting the song to clips of Lois and Clark or the Doctor and Rose or whatever else was in my head and heart at the moment.
I guess I stopped vidding around the time I met D (I kinda stopped regularly blogging around then too...but that is a whole other blog post...or maybe not.) My head wasn't full of Lois and Clark or The Doctor anymore. It was full of him. In that new relationship excitement and confusion and change, I kind of lost interest in vidding. I also had less time to devote to it. I don't regret any of that. I'd rather my life be full of another person or people than obsessions with TV shows. Still, It's kind of sad that a little part of me got lost.
At this point, though D is still woven all through my life and head and heart, I'm able to focus on other things again...other interests. I even have more time again now that I'm working from home. There are parts of me that sometimes think, maybe I should try it again. The trouble is, I don't feel it in there anymore. I don't feel that NEED to express myself in that way. I enjoy occasionally watching my old vids as well as other people's, but I don't feel any urge to make any more. In a way that makes me sad, but mostly I'm fine with it.
The trouble is, I do feel a need to express myself in some way. I just don't know what that way is. It's like, I have something I want to get out, but I don't even know what that something is. How can I even begin to figure out HOW to express it, if I have no idea WHAT to express. It's a weird feeling. Maybe it's just that I feel like everyone is more creative or interesting than me. Other people have these passions and interests. They turn them into blogs or jobs or books or music or ways to help others or SOMETHING. I would really like to come up with a new a creative outlet.
In the mean time, here are a couple of my vids that I'm decently proud to say I made. :)
For more: www.youtube.com/user/Lorlin82