A Shower and a Farewell

My baby shower was sort of a bittersweet day for me. 

We'll start with the sweet. :)  

My mom, some friends, and my sister ( who couldn't be there, but provided some awesome designs for it ) created the most perfect baby shower for me.  I, with the help of my oldest step son, came up with a robot theme.  Mom took it from there.  It was adorable!

Mom made all these completely awesome robot centerpieces out of junk she collected.

My dad made this super cool robot lamp.  If you look closely, you'll see a small robot drawing done by little man's oldest brother. :)

My Mother-in-Law brought her gift all decked out like a robot.  So cute!!

And a friend made this adorable and delicious strawberry cake!

I'm still waiting to see the pictures take than day.  I only got these few from my phone.  So many wonderful ladies came to celebrate with me though.  I felt so loved.  :)

I wish I had a picture of the yummy meal we had!  We did a nacho bar with all the fixings.  It was soooo good.

And now for the bitter. :(

The day of my baby shower was also the day I had to say goodbye to the home I grew up in.  My parents closed on their house two days later.  It was really hard to say goodbye.  Dad says it's just a house, but I don't think that's true.  It was home for me for about 16 years.  I have so many memories there.  I'm sad that my son will never get to enjoy it.  He won't get the fun of fishing off the dock or learning to swim in the pool.  I know he will have other wonderful memories, but it's hard to think they won't take place in that home.  When I left the shower, I sobbed half-way back to my house. :'(

I'm very thankful for the years I had there.  It was a wonderful place to live and have people come to visit.  I'm also very glad that I can look back on the memory of having my wedding reception there.  I'll miss that place.

Love and Marriage

Ack, almost a year later and yeah....so life has changed a bit in that time!  

 Guess who got married!
May 31, 2014

I love my ring. :) Check out those teal diamonds.  That was D's idea, and I think they are amazing.

We got married in a little church close to my house.  It was a small, short ceremony, 50 people including guests and wedding party, but I loved it.

The reception was at my parent's house.  I'm so glad we ended up having it there.  It was perfect!

My mom made me a teal lace for the back of my dress.  The wedding was all teal and ivory.  My Aunties came to help make everything beautiful, and they did a wonderful job.  

 As teal is not exactly a natural flower color, I decide to go with something for my bouquet that looked more like I had just picked them from a garden or field.  When my flowers died a week or so later, I was so sad, but I certainly did enjoy them.

 My aunts, grandmothers, and I made these ribbon sticks for people to wave at us as we came out of the church.

And these very special girls all came to celebrate with me.  I don't know what I would have done without a single one of them. They kept me calm.  They helped with anything that needed doing.  They were amazing.

Of course, the best part about my wedding was knowing I get to spend my life with this guy...

 ...that and maaaaybeee the cheesecakes. :D

More news to come!

Vidding

Sometimes I really miss vidding.  It could be frustrating at times. I wasn't amazing at it.  It wasn't important.  Perhaps it was even a colossal waste of my time.  Still, I loved doing it.  No, really it was bigger than that. I HAD to do it.  It was like there was something inside that needed to come out, and vidding was the only way I could do that.  I'd hear a song, and an idea would come to me, and then I couldn't think about anything else until I started putting the song to clips of Lois and Clark or the Doctor and Rose or whatever else was in my head and heart at the moment.

I guess I stopped vidding around the time I met D (I kinda stopped regularly blogging around then too...but that is a whole other blog post...or maybe not.)  My head wasn't full of Lois and Clark or The Doctor anymore. It was full of him.  In that new relationship excitement and confusion and change, I kind of lost interest in vidding.  I also had less time to devote to it.  I don't regret any of that.  I'd rather my life be full of another person or people than obsessions with TV shows.  Still, It's kind of sad that a little part of me got lost.

At this point, though D is still woven all through my life and head and heart, I'm able to focus on other things again...other interests.  I even have more time again now that I'm working from home.  There are parts of me that sometimes think, maybe I should try it again.  The trouble is, I don't feel it in there anymore.  I don't feel that NEED to express myself in that way.  I enjoy occasionally watching my old vids as well as other people's, but I don't feel any urge to make any more. In a way that makes me sad, but mostly I'm fine with it.

The trouble is, I do feel a need to express myself in some way.  I just don't know what that way is.  It's like, I have something I want to get out, but I don't even know what that something is.  How can I even begin to figure out HOW to express it, if I have no idea WHAT to express.  It's a weird feeling.  Maybe it's just that I feel like everyone is more creative or interesting than me.  Other people have these passions and interests.  They turn them into blogs or jobs or books or music or ways to help others or SOMETHING.  I would really like to come up with a new a creative outlet.

In the mean time, here are a couple of my vids that I'm decently proud to say I made. :)





For more:  www.youtube.com/user/Lorlin82

Being Me

I'm too afraid.  I'm afraid of letting people know who I really am.  I'm afraid of people saying, "who does that girl think she is? She's nothing special!" I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid of not being in control.  So I put up walls.  I don't want to have walls here.  I want to just be real...be me.  Do you know that in college, where I was a VOICE major, I almost NEVER practiced voice.  Not because I thought I didn't need the practice and not because I was too lazy to practice.  Nope, I never practiced because I was afraid to have someone hear me practicing and go, "What in the world does that girl think she is doing here getting a degree in music?!"  I practiced piano all the time.  I was terrible at the piano.  I knew it, and everybody else knew it.  It just was a fact.  Therefore, someone hearing me and judging me didn't really bother me.  Who cares? I already know I suck.  But man, I regret not practicing voice.  I think I could have pushed myself further and learned more if I'd just gotten over my stupid fears and PRACTICED.

Anyway, this is my blog.  I'm here just being me.  You don't have to read it.  You don't have to like it.  You don't even have to like me.  But I feel like if I can't be at least a little bit open here, then what's the point? Why even have this blog?

So, I'm putting up a video.  It's just me...doing what I enjoy doing.  Doing something I do when I'm sitting around at night in an empty house.  This video was taken months ago (hence the old work shirt).  It's not professional or well done or even in sync (incidentally, why doesn't mac's photo booth keep things in sync?)!  It's just me being me.  So I'm posting it.  I'm posting it because I freaking love to sing.  I'm posting it because I have fun recording myself and then listening and critiquing myself.  I'm posting it because I actually like my voice.  That feels prideful to say somehow, but good grief, I spent years studying voice and singing in church.  Why bother with all that if I hate my own voice?  I ought to like it, right?  Not to mention, it's the voice God gave me!   By the way, I've already told you I suck at the piano, so get over it.   ;) 

 

Finding Some Direction

A week or so ago, I was skimming through job postings on Craigslist (Craigslist is a strange land full of strange people.  Anyone want a job as a XXX housekeeper? All you need is an open mind and please send in a photo...CREEPY!!) and I came across a posting for a music teacher at a local private school.  At first, I just went on and ignored it.  Then, the next day I saw it again. This time, I stopped and thought about it for a few minutes.  What if I actually got that job? What if I actually enjoyed it? What if I could really do something that had to do with music? But then the other thoughts began.  What if I can't do it? What if I'm a terrible teacher and a make a whole school full of children hate music? What if I'm a total failure? 

When I look back at my decision to not go into music ed in college (or really any kind of education degree), I honestly now believe it was all based on fear.  I was afraid of practicums and student teaching and all the other things that come along with being an education major.  I didn't want to face those fears, so I didn't.  That's how I was.  Sometimes, that's still how I am. 

I spent a day or so thinking over the idea of teaching.  Of course, I'd taught preschool for years, but it wasn't really the same.  I did a few years of real teaching in VPK, but mostly I've been with the younger ages in classes that were really more about playing and diaper changing and eating snacks and making sure little so and so didn't bite his friends.  There wasn't a lot of real teaching involved in what I'd been doing.  However, when I looked back at the years of teaching VPK...the years before the classrooms were filled with children who were beyond unruly and who made any real learning impossible for the rest of the class...I remember them being very satisfying.  I recalled the day that one of my students finally figured out how to correctly write his name.  He was so proud of himself! I remembered that it was exciting to see children grasp new concepts and learn new skills.  It was actually fun! The more I thought about teaching, the more I was getting excited about the idea.

So now where am I? I've applied to that private school job.  I've also applied for a job at a tutoring facility.  I've even begun the application process for becoming eligible for a teaching certificate in music.  I'm not even sure if I want to teach music.  I wouldn't mind trying,  but I'm also beginning to think I might like to teach elementary school.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with these new thoughts and desires.  I don't know how to go about getting certified to teach anything but music.  I'm pretty sure that either way, I may end up having to go back to school for a little while.  The idea of going back to school has always been totally unappealing to me before, but now it kind of excites me.  I don't really know how to make all of this work.  I'm still looking into it all and trying to figure it out, but I'm excited to have some kind of goal in mind.  I've never had that before.

Please pray for me as I try to figure out what to do next.  I'm still really scared.  I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid that I will just be all talk and end up working in some office somewhere doing a job I hate.  I'm afraid I'll actually get a job teaching and find out that I really don't like it after all.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job teaching.  I'm just a big chicken! But I'm a chicken with at least a little bit of direction.   

Do You Ever Want To Go Back in Time and Smack Some Sense Into Your Self?

In 2001, I graduated from community college with my associates degree, packed up, and headed off to the Show Me State for some higher ejamakashun.  I didn't have a real plan in mind.  I liked music and loved singing, so I picked a music degree.  Sacred Music to be exact.  Now, what I was going to do with this degree I couldn't have told you.  Perhaps I thought it didn't matter.  Maybe I figured I'd just end up getting my Mrs. degree and start having babies and not ever have to worry about silly things like jobs.  I don't know.  Maybe I wasn't thinking at all  Many professors advised against it.  "Go with music ed, Lauren.  You'll thank us some day." Nope,  not I.  I wasn't going to become a teacher.  There was no way on earth I was ever going to want to teach.  Sure, I'd taught preschool the summer before. Sure, I'd wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid.  Sure, I loved children.  But come on, why would that mean I wanted to teach? After all, I was going to be a...a...a...well, I'd figure that out later.

Fast forward 3 years to May of 2004.  There I was in cap, gown, and pink tassel.  I had done it.  I earned my degree.  I even graduated cum laude.  Go me! There was just one problem.  What on earth was I going to do now? I'd never actually figured out what I wanted to do with my life.  My coursework had prepared me for church music ministry, but I really didn't think that was what I wanted to do.  In fact, I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to do.  That whole Mrs. degree thing hadn't really worked out either.  I felt lost.  It was time to say goodbye to some of the greatest friends I'd ever had.  It was time to say goodbye to late night frozen custard runs and practice rooms and mid-terms and dorm life and...safety.  So long as I was still in school, I had time...I could figure it all out later.  Now, later had arrived, and I was terrified. 

I tearfully loaded up my belongings and headed home with my family.  I knew that once I got home, I'd have to figure things out.  I had no clue what to do.  After I'd been home just a week or so, I got a call from the preschool where I'd worked the summer before.  They needed a teacher. Was I interested?  Well. what else did I have to do? I needed a job, and here one had fallen right into my lap.  Why not take it? After all, it wouldn't have to be forever.  I'd figure things out soon. 

Fast forward 8 years...almost exactly.  Here I am, still getting my paycheck from that same preschool.  Did I stay because I loved it? For awhile I really did.  I found the first couple years of teaching VPK to be very rewarding. Eventually, the behavior problems in our school got too bad, and I got burned out.  I left for awhile to be a nanny, but eventually ended up back at the preschool.  Once again, it was supposed to be temporary.  I was just going back while I figured out what to do next.  I wouldn't be there long.  Just another...4 years...

Well, as I said in my previous post, I've put in my notice.  My plan is to stay until the end of the school year.  I have no job lined up, but in the past few weeks, I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life.  I think...I think...I want to be a teacher...

Happy New Year!

It's 2010 now.  Gonna take me awhile to get the hang of writing/typing that. I've messed up typing it several times already.

I don't always make a new year's resolution.  Sometimes I just can't think of one.  Sometimes I can think of things but figure, why bother...no one sticks to them anyway. But you know, one year I did stick to it.  One year I decided it was time to lose some weight, and I did it.  I lost about 80 lbs over the next year and a half after that.  If I could stick to that, why can't I stick to something else?  I CAN!  So here they are.  Maybe if I use my blog to keep myself accountable, it will be a little easier to not let them slide.

1. Learn to make my own clothing
Now, this is something I know a little about already.  I have made a few things over the years, but I'm not good at it and I can't do it without a lot of help.  My goal is to keep working on this skill over the next year and get myself to the point where I can make myself an outfit without stressing out my mother with all my pleas for help and temper tantrums.  

2. Knit myself at least one garment
This cannot be something like a scarf or hat.  I has to be something that requires me to learn new techniques.  It will be something along the lines of a sweater I think.  We'll see.

3.  Try at least 1 new food each month and blog about it.
I'm not talking about putting foods I already like together in a new way.  I'm talking about either a totally new food that I've never tried or a food that I've tried in the past but  didn't like and never tried again.  At first I was going to make it 1 a week, but I know myself well enough to know that this will be very hard for me.  I want something I can stick to.  If I try a minimum of 1 a month, that will be at least 12 foods I've tried by the end of the year.  This may not seem like a big deal to the average person, but for me it is.  If, by the end of a month, I haven't blogged about something new I've tried, get on my case about it! Please!

4. Get off my butt and get moving!
Exercise is such a cliche resolution, but I really do spend way too much time sitting around...computer, reading, sitting the floor with kids, knitting, crocheting.  I need to get up and move.  I'm hoping that some of the new Wii games I just ordered will help with this, but I also am going to be looking for some other activities to get me out and moving.  There is only so much I can take of working out in my room. 

So there they are.  Anyone else making any resolutions this year?

What Is The Point?

I have a to-do list that gets longer every second.  Do you think blogging is on it?  Nope.  Yet, here I am.  Somehow it helps to de-stress when I blog, and I need all the de-stressing I can get right now!  I'm am so looking forward to this week being over.  Next week all the family will be here and, as my mom said, we will be able to stop preparing for Christmas and just enjoy it!  For now I'm busy with baking, shopping, cleaning, crocheting, wrapping, making trips to the post office, working, etc.  Some of it is fun, some is not.  All must be finished by the time I go to bed on Saturday night.

The trouble is though, I'm so busy with getting ready for Christmas that I'm forgetting about what Christmas is really about.  Last night, while trying desperatly to get my room clean enough to find my floor and furniture, I uncovered my Bible hiding under a chair.  I gazed in horror as I tried to remember when the last time I read it was.  Even know I cannot say for sure.  I just know it's been far too long.   How on earth can I expect to have a truly Merry Christmas if I am neglecting spending time with the One who's birth I claim to be celebrating?  It cannot go on.  None of the rest of it even matters really.  The baking and the shopping and all the projects I have going on are worth very little if I have forgotten the reason behind the whole thing.  And so, I am going to do my best to keep my eyes fixed on my Savior as I go through the rest of this season (and the rest of my life!)

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. 

I want to be like those shepherds!  I want to leave the busyness of what I am doing to go spend some time with my Savior, so I can return to my work glorifying and praising God.

I am glad I chose to blog tonight.  This wasn't even close to the topic I was going to discuss, but somehow listing all those things that I'm so worried about getting done made me stop and think about what really matters to me.

Random Thankfulness

Because it beats the heck out of grumbling! :D

• I've gotten a good jump start on making Christmas presents this year
• I started and finished making a skirt today...my first completed clothing project in years! (Pictures to come later when I have someone to take them for me)
• Tomorrow night I get to spend some special one-on-one time with my nephew
• I got a little bit of extra time in at work today
• A very good friend is coming to visit for a few days next week
• Some family members that I haven't seen in several years are also coming to visit next week
• I Love Lucy
• Laughter

"Some Music Needs Air...

Roll down your window."  ~ Clair Colburn - Elizabethtown

What is it about a chill in the air that makes music sound so much better?   When the weather turns a bit cooler, I love nothing more than getting in my car, rolling down the windows, and blasting the music. It doesn't seem to matter what kind of music it is.  It all just seems to come alive when I'm breathing in that fresh, cold air.  Yesterday afternoon J. S. Bach and I drove through town with the contrapuntal sounds of The Art of Fugue invading every other open windowed car on the road.   In the evening, as I drove over the home of some friends, it was the music of Grease that was blaring from my speakers.  That night, Josh Groban and I sang our way home while the windy night air from the open moon roof made me shiver in a way that I love at this time of year.  

By tomorrow we will be back into the mid 80s, and as the temperature rises, so will my windows.  The music will once again be played at a normal volume, and the air conditioning will come back on.   It is a sad story, but what can be done about it?  This is home, and I must accept it.  Still, I will be anxiously awaiting the next cool front.  And I think I will spend the waiting period making some long skirts.  I don't seem to have the proper clothing for this cooler weather!

Now This Is More Like It!

Yep, that's me...outside.  If only every day in the Florida fall were more like this one!  It is in the 70s today here.  It's breezy, it's sunny, and I can breath when I walk outside.  In fact, I even have my windows open (a good thing too since my room reeks of roach spray...had a little run in with one last night.  Bleh!)!  Considering it's been in the 90s here lately, I am absolutely loving this weather.  It will only last for a few days, but I am going to be thankful for it while it lasts.  I walked around outside for awhile.  You know, I'm not much of an outdoor girl, but when I do get myself away from the laptop and out the door, I always end up discovering all over again that it really is rather beautiful here.  Sure, I miss the fall leaves and the cool weather and the opportunity to wear sweaters, but really, on a day like this, Florida is a very nice place to be.

I took a few pictures as I wondered around outside today. 

These are the Mangrove roots and trees that are supposedly holding Florida together or something like that.  They are highly protected.

And this is a bit of the view from our dock behind the house. It was windy out there, and I was almost chilly enough to want long sleeves! For me, that's a thrill. ;)

And just for the fun of it, here is a hairstyle I came up with yesterday. I'm having a bit of trouble with victory rolls and some other authentic techniques. I think it is in part because the ends are getting kind of scraggly. I am in serious need of a haircut. Still, I'm having lots of fun playing around with hairstyles lately.

Thank You, Superman!

It absolutely blows my mind that this picture would not exist if it were not for a TV show that went on the air 16 years ago.  When I started watching Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman back in my younger years, I couldn't have possibly known the profound impact it would someday have on my life.   Who knew that I would someday rediscover this show on DVD and that it would lead me to the insanity of the world of online fandom.   How could I have guessed that through that fandom I would meet some of my best friends.  (Now, those of you who may be interested in this fandom world, be warned that is not all rosy and wonderful.  There is drama in this land...drama like you would not believe.  But that is not the topic of this post.)  Well, those thoughts may have never entered my young mind,  but 16 years and 26 days after the airing of the pilot episode, I found myself picking up Jenn (my dear fellow fandom-dweller) and her adorable little 4 month old from the airport and bringing them back to my house for a week of fun in the Florida sunshine.  And a great week it was too! Though this was not the first time we had met in person (in fact, it was the 3rd) it was the first time we ever actually sat down together and watched the show that was responsible for our meeting in the first place.  What a blast that was!  While our hearts are always true to our show, I think that both of us had lost some interest in it lately.  Somehow watching it together brought back a bit of that old spark.  It was such fun to swoon together over the romance, snark over the absurdities, and drool a bit over our Superman.  It made the show come alive in a way it hadn't been in far too long.  Of course, we did not sit around and watch Lois and Clark all week. There was cheesecake, the beach, shopping, talking and laughing into the wee small hours of the morning, swimming, baby giggles, and even a few mosquito bites (OK, that part is not so much great but certainly worth it).   

It was a little sad to send her and that precious little man home yesterday morning.  I am missing them both already!

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, An Idiot's Life For Me

Well, I just about gave myself a heart attack.  I was sitting here in my classroom as my class napped, and I was pondering what to do with the squash I had roasted before leaving the house this morning.  Suddenly: PANIC!  "Did I leave the squash cooking when I left the house? I don't recall turning off the oven!"  Just as I was getting ready to leave the house today a heavily accented someone came to the door inquiring after our coconuts (these people come by every so often and ask if they can have the coconuts off our trees in the backyard.  They do the work of getting them down, and we let them have them.  Not like we use them anyway).  Had I forgotten about the squash in my struggle to understand this woman on my doorstep?  My mind was filled with visions of flames leaping from the oven and our sprinkler system dousing the house and ruining all the furniture.  I imagined arriving home to a charred, smoke-filled kitchen.  I tried to imagine how I would tell my parents when they got home from their trip to find the their home in ruin.  What could I do?!  I am at work.  Even if I were to go home, it would take me another 30 minutes to get there.   At this point my mind began to head back into sane territory and I realized that I needed to call my parents so they could call our neighbors (I don't know their number) who have a key to the house to go check for me.   I waited anxiously to hear back the news that my parents were going to kill me, bring me back to life, kick me out of the house, and kill me again.  I waited for what seemed like 45 minutes (I think it was probably closer to 5) and finally heard that, no I had not left the oven on and that our neighbor was kindly putting the squash in the fridge for me (not sure if I left it in the oven or on the counter, but either way it was very nice of her to help out). 

I feel like a total moron!  Granted, not as much of a moron as I would feel if I actually HAD left the oven on, but still...how embarrassing!  Sigh...at least I have ginger cookies.

First Day of What?

Ah, yes, the first day of Autumn in Florida.

Nice cool temperatures...







Leaves turning to beautiful shades of orange, yellow, and red...










Children rushing out in their jackets to jump in the piles of fallen leaves...









Sigh...I miss the fall! I miss cider mills and getting your pumpkin from the pumpkin patch instead of trying to find one that isn't rotting in the giant, cardboard box at Walmart. I miss sweaters and jackets and leaves under your feet. Come January, Florida will once again be the place I love the best, but right now it is far from where I want to be.

To those of you who live in places where the leaves are changing and the air is cool and the doughnuts and cider are calling, I am trying very hard to not hate you. ;)

Happy Birthday!!

No, it's not my birthday. That was back in March...I had cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory...mmmmmmmmmmm...OH, sorry...supposed to be blogging here, not drooling over the thought of cheesecake. Anyway, today my blog is a year old. When I started, I never really dreamed I'd keep up with it. I started it after I found out I was losing my nanny job. I think it was meant as an outlet for some of my frustration, boredom, etc, while I was unemployed. However, I think I've done a good job of keeping it up over the past year. It's nice to be able to look back at my year and remember what I've done or thought or felt. I wonder what this next year will hold and if I'll continue to keep up the blog. I don't really want to know though. Spoilers and all. ;) Better to be surprised.

Happy birthday, my blog! Have some cake...chessecake that is. :D

Family Time in Branson

Before I forget everything I did on my trip, I think it is time to blog about my family reunion in Branson, MO last week.

*As a side note, I've decided to not forward this blog over to livejournal as much of it does not transfer well, and I really don't feel like putting much in the way of personal information over there. From now on, it will mostly be crafting or fan related posts that I put on livejournal. Most of it will still be posted here as well.*

A week ago Saturday (the 18th), my sister, youngest niece, and I flew into Branson MO for our family reunion. My parents were already there with my nephew and older niece, so the flight was relatively easy with only one little one. I must say, I wish I had taken pictures of the Branson airport. I've never seen anything like it. It is, without question, the tiniest and cutest airport I've ever seen. The terminal looks like the inside of Bass Pro or like some kind of frontier amusement park.

I won't go through a daily play by play of the trip, but I'll give you some highlights from it. Sunday we went up to Springfield for the day and I got to see the Evangel campus and eat at Cheddar's, Andy's, and Lambert's. YUM!! The campus at Evangel looks amazing. I can't believe how much improvement has taken place since I left. I saw it last year, and it looked great, but it's even better now. The only sad thing was seeing the last of the barracks gone. It was the old Fine Arts building, and I have to admit, it made me teary that it is no longer there. It's a little piece of Evangel history that will live only in our memories now. However, the campus does look MUCH better without those old, white, falling apart barracks.

Andy's was amazing, as always. Oh how I have missed that wonderful frozen custard! I went three times durring the week. I managed to convince my cousins that they could not come to southwest MO without going to Andy's Frozen Custard. They seemed a bit skeptical that it could be that good at first, but once they tried it, they were hooked. It really is great stuff. If you ever get the chance to go to one, don't pass it up.


On Wednesday we went to Silver Dollar City. I have to say, as much as I love that place, it was a bit of a let down. There were just so many people in our group, and the constant splitting up, looking for each other, waiting for each other, etc kind of took up a lot of the day. However, I still had a lot of fun, and I got to make my traditional rag doll and go on my favorite ride (one of those rides where you all sit in a big tube and get wet). I also discovered a new favorite ride. I had been on it before, but it had been closed for renovation, and it is very different now from what I remember. I remembered it being kind of a log flume ride where you get in your little raft thing and go through a sort of a slide and get a bit wet. There is still a slide you go through, but now (this, in my memory is different from before, but it's been years so I could be mistaken) you get into a blow up raft instead of a solid boat like raft, and you get SOAKED. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that if I had jumped, fully clothed, into a swimming pool, I could not possibly have been wetter. It was the kind of thing you'd expect to find at a water park, but not the sort of thing you usually see at a theme park (at least the ones I've been to). We were all shocked at how wet we were. I'm very glad I had thought to bring along flip flops to wear on the water rides because slogging around all day in wet sneakers would have made me very cranky. As it was, we had a blast.

For me, the real highlight of the week was just spending time with my cousins. We haven't had a big group of us together in a very long time, and this was the first time being together where there wasn't an obvious separation between the "older" and "younger" cousins. We are all adults now, and we just had a wonderful time bonding with each other. There are more of us now too, so it was fun getting to know the significant others of some of my cousins and spending a little time with some new "step"-cousins. One afternoon we got a group of us together for a little shopping trip, and another day several of us drove to the Branson Strip in search of some putt putt golf and our second trip to Andy's (well, 3rd for me.) We all just loved being together and remembering old times and making new memories. We are all determined to get together a little more often now.

There was a time when I had said I wasn't going to take this trip. I thought I'd prefer to take vacation time to go visit friends instead of spending a week at a campground with a bunch of relatives that I hardly know (my grandpa was one of 10 kids, so the family reunions are HUGE and full of my mom's cousins who I barely know. There were 99 people at this one). But I'm so glad I did go. I still don't know or really care all that much about most of those relatives, but the time spent with my own 1st cousins and aunties and grandma is a memory I am very happy that I have made.

Remembering Cole

I plan to enter another post on my holiday, but I felt that this should be separate.

In 2005 I was working at the preschool in the afternoons in a toddler class. There was one child in particular who wormed his way right into my heart. He had adorable, brown, curly hair and a smile that lit up the room. You couldn't help but love this little guy. He was as sweet as could be. On July 4th of that year, I was at home spending the holiday with my family when we got a call from the church prayer chain that he was in the hospital, and it wasn't looking good. Soon after, we received another call that he had passed away. It was just a virus, a stupid, common virus, but it had attacked his heart. There was nothing that could have been done for him. A year and a half old and he was gone. I'm not sure that I've ever known pain like what I went through at that time. I've lost loved ones before, but never like this. Never a small child...so sudden, so unexpected. The week after that is kind of a blur. I remember that being at work was horrible. Everything reminded me of him. His blankets were there, and they smelled like him. I remember crying a lot. I dreaded going to his funeral and seeing his tiny body in the casket. His parents had asked me to sing for the service, but I knew I couldn't hold it together long enough to make it through a song. I sobbed all the way through the service and then cried more at the grave site. I remember telling my mom that I couldn't imagine ever being happy again. It just wasn't right. He was so young...so precious. And if I was in that much agony, what must his parents be going through? I can't even begin to imagine.

Life goes on though. No matter how much it feels like it cannot or should not, it does. The funeral must have brought me some kind of closure. As hard as it was to see that tiny body, I think it helped me. I started to cry less every day. I started to laugh and enjoy life again. I remember feeling a little guilty about that sometimes, but I know it was right. It has to be that way. We cannot stay tied up in the pain of the past. We must go on with life because life keeps going on. He has a little sister now. I had her in my class this past year. She has his curly hair and his talent for sneaking into your heart.

Little Cole, you are loved and missed and remembered. I know that you are with Jesus and that someday we will see you again.

Friends

Friends are wonderful, aren't they? I have to admit that, in general, I'm pretty lonely. I have my family and my friends that I talk to online, but I really don't have a lot of people that I can just hang out with. I'm not saying I don't have any, but the truth is that I spend a whole lot of time by myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy having alone time and I love my nightly chats in the online world, but everyone needs to have people around that they can call up to go shopping or to a movie or meet for dinner or just whatever. (And I'm not gonna lie, it'd be nice to have man!) Anyway, today I got the chance to break out of my lonely shell and spend the morning baking cookies with an old friend. I hadn't seen her since before Christmas, but she got in touch with me a few days ago to see if we could hang out. It was such fun to be able to have a face-to-face conversation with a friend over some raw cookie dough (yes we baked some of it too!)

I wish there were more opportunities for times like that. Growing up, there were always people to hang out with. I had my church friends that I saw nearly every night for some activity and my homeschool friends who were always hanging out at our house. It's harder now. People grow up and move away and get married and start having kids. It's a good thing...the way it should be, but it makes it hard to hold on to those great friendships or to make new ones. I live in the land where people come to retire. There just aren't that many people my age around, and most of the ones that are around are married with kids. It's not that I don't enjoy spending time with couples and their children, but it's just not the same. They are at a different place in their lives than I am in mine. It's not my desire to whine about my life. For the most part, I love my life. I'm happy, I'm employed, I'm healthy, I have a wonderful family...life's not so bad. It's just a little...lonely.

Lauren: The Phlegmatic Choleric

Personality / Temperament for Lauren

Test taken on June 1st 2009

Personality: Phlegmatic Choleric

Melancholy Strength:3 Weakness:6 23% Phlegmatic Strength:10 Weakness:9 48%

Sanguine Strength:1 Weakness:0 3% Choleric Strength:6 Weakness:5 28%

Interesting. I actually took this test (click me) twice. The first time I was a little higher on Melancholy than Choleric. Both times I scored VERY low in Sanguine, and after reading the description, this does not surprise me in the least. Reading the strengths and weaknesses of the different personalities actually showed me a few things about myself. Obviously, not all the strengths or weaknesses apply to me, but many in the Phelgmatic personality do. While reading the descriptions (both on that site and on others), I kept saying to myself, "That is SO me!"



The PhlegChlor (Click me too!)
(I've highlighted in green the things that most remind me of myself.)

The most active of all phlegmatics is the PhlegChlor. But it must be remembered that since he is predominantly a phlegmatic, he will never be a ball of fire. Like his brother phlegmatics, he is easy to get along with and may become an excellent group leader. The phlegmatic has the potential to become a good counselor, for he is an excellent listener, does not interrupt the client with stories about himself, and is genuinely interested in other people. Although the PhlegChlor rarely offers his services to others, when they come to his organized office where he exercises control, he is a first-rate professional. His advice will be practical, helpful, and – if he is a Bible-taught Christian - quite trustworthy. His gentle spirit never makes people feel threatened. He always does the right thing, rarely goes beyond the norm...

The weaknesses of the PhlegChlor are not readily apparent but gradually come to the surface, especially in the home. In addition to the lack of motivation and the fear problems of the other phlegmatics, he can be determinedly stubborn and unyielding. He doesn't blow up at others, but simply refuses to give in or cooperate. He is not a fighter by nature, but often lets his inner anger and stubbornness reflect itself in silence. The PhlegChlor often retreats to his "workshop" alone or nightly immerses his mind in TV. The older he gets, the more he selfishly indulges his sedentary tendency and becomes increasingly passive. Although he will probably live a long and peaceful life, if he indulges these passive feelings it is a boring life – not only for him, but also for his family. He needs to give himself to the concerns and needs of his family.

No man in the Bible epitomizes the PhlegChlor better than Abraham in the Old Testament. Fear characterized everything he did in the early days. For instance, he was reluctant to leave the security of the pagan city of Ur when God first called him; he even denied his wife on two occasions and tried to palm her off as his sister because of fear. Finally, he surrendered completely to God and grew in the spirit. Accordingly, his greatest weakness became his greatest strength. Today, instead of being known as fearful Abraham, he has the reputation of being the man who "believed in the Lord; and he counted it unto him for righteousness."

So much of that really is me...the good and the bad! It's not my desire to have boring life and to live in fear. I am, in some ways, glad that I am stubborn, but I know that I need to work on not being so stubborn about silly things. I don't believe that I have to be defined by my personality type, but I think it's helpful to look at it so that I can see some of my strengths and weaknesses. That way I can start finding ways to use my strengths and to surrender those weakness to Jesus Only then can I, like Abraham, let my struggles be turned into tools to be used for the glory of God.

If you are bored, go take the quiz, and come back and let me know what your personality is. ;)

Welcome To June

Seems hard to believe that we are so far into 2009 already. May ended bittersweetly for me, bringing both death and new life. My uncle passed away last week. It was rather unexpected. He had been struggling with some breathing problems for some time, but it hadn't seemed serious until fairly recently. It's hard to believe that my Aunt, only a little older than my own mother, is now a widow. It's even harder to think about my cousins, who are 19 and 24, being suddenly left without a father. I cannot imagine the kind of hurt they must be feeling. Any readers who might think of it on occasion, please remember this family in your prayers. I know that there are tough times ahead of them all, but I also know that God is faithful, and will give them the strength and peace and courage to press on.

On a happier note, one of my very close friends gave birth to a precious, baby boy on Saturday. She and her husband have been through so much to get to this point, and I couldn't possibly be more thrilled for them! You would have thought it was my own child or family member when I heard the news. I was alternately laughing and weeping with joy. I know God has some great things in store for this new, little family. Jenn, you are all in my prayers every day. Congratulations!