New Job

My poor computer hard drive is dying a slow painful death. I can run my computer, but anytime I try to access pictures off the hard drive or put pictures on to it (or other things too, really) the whole computer crashes. I have a new hard drive, but I need someone to put it in for me, and I haven't had a chance yet. I want to blog so often, but blog posts without pictures just aren't as fun as blog posts with pictures!

Here I am anyway to update you a little bit on the life and times of Lauren.  I told you already that I was offered a job at another preschool as a receptionist.  I was really nervous about taking it because it wasn't a lot of hours.  I took it anyway though, and I'm loving it!! I like the people I work with.  I enjoy having lots to do everyday.  I'm getting used to answering the phone and doing new things.  I've even been picking up some extra hours lately which is nice on the bank account.  My job consists of registering new families for the preschool (about a 15 to 20 minute process per child),  entering the children's info into a computer program called childcare manager, filing papers, writing letters to parents, making signs, greeting parents as they come in, helping them clock their children out, answering phones, making phone calls, etc. I've been told that soon I'm going to be trained to do all the ordering of office supplies as well. At first it seemed like I wasn't going to have that much to do, but in preparation for the new school year, I've been slammed with work, and I'm loving it.  Yesterday was our open house, so we all went in at 8 AM to start getting everything ready for it.  I worked from 8 to 2:30, then clocked out and went to D's house (he lives about 2 minutes from my work, so I just hung out there by myself for awhile) for a little over an hour and then went back for open house from 4-6. Today is the first day of the new school year, so I'm guessing it will be pretty busy this afternoon with lots of parents figuring out how to clock their kids out for the first time and people still trying to register.

Yesterday was S and N's first days back at school.  N started Kindergarten, so that was pretty exciting. S is now in 3rd grade.  I left my camera with D so he could take pictures of them at school yesterday morning, but of course I can't show them to you yet because of my hard drive.  Hopefully I'll have that taken care of soon, and I'll be able to come back with lots of pictures of the fun times of Lauren.

It's something...

I got a job, but not the job I applied for.  She didn't seem to think I was qualified to jump in and start that position in the way she needed.  I'm not sure I'd be ready for that either.  However, yesterday she called me to offer me a part time position as a receptionist.  It's not a lot of hours or money, but it's something, and something is better than nothing.  There is a strong possibility that in the fall I could get a full time position teaching infants or toddlers in the school.  I'm not really sure that I want that, but we'll see how things go.  I'll admit that I'm afraid of being stuck in preschool forever though.  I think I will keep an eye out for other opportunities, but for now at least I'll have some income.

Interview

Last time I was here, I had decided that I want to become a teacher.  I've continued to ponder and look into this over the past month and a half.  I think I've come to one certain conclusion.  I do not want to be a music teacher.  I love music, but I don't think I'm passionate enough or confident enough to teach it.  I feel like I've forgotten at least half of what I learned, and even when I was learning it, I never had the drive that some of my friends had.  I like music.  I like singing.  I just don't think I want to teach it.  Perhaps on a small scale level like having another children's handbell choir someday or something like that, but I don't want to be a school music teacher.  Maybe I'll change my mind some day.  You never can tell. I just know it's not what I want right now. 

I do still think I'd like to be an elementary school teacher, but right now most of the schools around here are only hiring internally.  I'm not saying I'll never do it, but I'm not counting on being able to get myself certified anytime soon and being able to get a job right away.  I need a job.  I'm 30 years old, and I need to be supporting myself.  I'm very thankful for everything my parents do for me, but I'm not a child.  I'm capable of working, and I need to do something now. 

So, I'm excited to say that today I actually have an interview! A local Christian preschool is looking for a resource coordinator.  From what I understand, it sounds like the director needs a "second in command."  The preschool is apparently growing a lot, and she is swamped with work.  The idea of still working with children, but not being directly in the classroom with them is very appealing to me.  I have a lot of experience with preschool, and I feel like this is a position I could be good at and enjoy.  I'm not %100 sure I'll get the job, but it's nice knowing that I'm going in with at least a good chance.  I'm a little nervous about the interview, but I'm going to just do the best that I can do and hope she likes me.  If not, well, I know God will have something else for me. 

Finding Some Direction

A week or so ago, I was skimming through job postings on Craigslist (Craigslist is a strange land full of strange people.  Anyone want a job as a XXX housekeeper? All you need is an open mind and please send in a photo...CREEPY!!) and I came across a posting for a music teacher at a local private school.  At first, I just went on and ignored it.  Then, the next day I saw it again. This time, I stopped and thought about it for a few minutes.  What if I actually got that job? What if I actually enjoyed it? What if I could really do something that had to do with music? But then the other thoughts began.  What if I can't do it? What if I'm a terrible teacher and a make a whole school full of children hate music? What if I'm a total failure? 

When I look back at my decision to not go into music ed in college (or really any kind of education degree), I honestly now believe it was all based on fear.  I was afraid of practicums and student teaching and all the other things that come along with being an education major.  I didn't want to face those fears, so I didn't.  That's how I was.  Sometimes, that's still how I am. 

I spent a day or so thinking over the idea of teaching.  Of course, I'd taught preschool for years, but it wasn't really the same.  I did a few years of real teaching in VPK, but mostly I've been with the younger ages in classes that were really more about playing and diaper changing and eating snacks and making sure little so and so didn't bite his friends.  There wasn't a lot of real teaching involved in what I'd been doing.  However, when I looked back at the years of teaching VPK...the years before the classrooms were filled with children who were beyond unruly and who made any real learning impossible for the rest of the class...I remember them being very satisfying.  I recalled the day that one of my students finally figured out how to correctly write his name.  He was so proud of himself! I remembered that it was exciting to see children grasp new concepts and learn new skills.  It was actually fun! The more I thought about teaching, the more I was getting excited about the idea.

So now where am I? I've applied to that private school job.  I've also applied for a job at a tutoring facility.  I've even begun the application process for becoming eligible for a teaching certificate in music.  I'm not even sure if I want to teach music.  I wouldn't mind trying,  but I'm also beginning to think I might like to teach elementary school.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with these new thoughts and desires.  I don't know how to go about getting certified to teach anything but music.  I'm pretty sure that either way, I may end up having to go back to school for a little while.  The idea of going back to school has always been totally unappealing to me before, but now it kind of excites me.  I don't really know how to make all of this work.  I'm still looking into it all and trying to figure it out, but I'm excited to have some kind of goal in mind.  I've never had that before.

Please pray for me as I try to figure out what to do next.  I'm still really scared.  I'm afraid of failing.  I'm afraid that I will just be all talk and end up working in some office somewhere doing a job I hate.  I'm afraid I'll actually get a job teaching and find out that I really don't like it after all.  I'm afraid that I won't be able to get a job teaching.  I'm just a big chicken! But I'm a chicken with at least a little bit of direction.   

Do You Ever Want To Go Back in Time and Smack Some Sense Into Your Self?

In 2001, I graduated from community college with my associates degree, packed up, and headed off to the Show Me State for some higher ejamakashun.  I didn't have a real plan in mind.  I liked music and loved singing, so I picked a music degree.  Sacred Music to be exact.  Now, what I was going to do with this degree I couldn't have told you.  Perhaps I thought it didn't matter.  Maybe I figured I'd just end up getting my Mrs. degree and start having babies and not ever have to worry about silly things like jobs.  I don't know.  Maybe I wasn't thinking at all  Many professors advised against it.  "Go with music ed, Lauren.  You'll thank us some day." Nope,  not I.  I wasn't going to become a teacher.  There was no way on earth I was ever going to want to teach.  Sure, I'd taught preschool the summer before. Sure, I'd wanted to be a teacher when I was a kid.  Sure, I loved children.  But come on, why would that mean I wanted to teach? After all, I was going to be a...a...a...well, I'd figure that out later.

Fast forward 3 years to May of 2004.  There I was in cap, gown, and pink tassel.  I had done it.  I earned my degree.  I even graduated cum laude.  Go me! There was just one problem.  What on earth was I going to do now? I'd never actually figured out what I wanted to do with my life.  My coursework had prepared me for church music ministry, but I really didn't think that was what I wanted to do.  In fact, I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to do.  That whole Mrs. degree thing hadn't really worked out either.  I felt lost.  It was time to say goodbye to some of the greatest friends I'd ever had.  It was time to say goodbye to late night frozen custard runs and practice rooms and mid-terms and dorm life and...safety.  So long as I was still in school, I had time...I could figure it all out later.  Now, later had arrived, and I was terrified. 

I tearfully loaded up my belongings and headed home with my family.  I knew that once I got home, I'd have to figure things out.  I had no clue what to do.  After I'd been home just a week or so, I got a call from the preschool where I'd worked the summer before.  They needed a teacher. Was I interested?  Well. what else did I have to do? I needed a job, and here one had fallen right into my lap.  Why not take it? After all, it wouldn't have to be forever.  I'd figure things out soon. 

Fast forward 8 years...almost exactly.  Here I am, still getting my paycheck from that same preschool.  Did I stay because I loved it? For awhile I really did.  I found the first couple years of teaching VPK to be very rewarding. Eventually, the behavior problems in our school got too bad, and I got burned out.  I left for awhile to be a nanny, but eventually ended up back at the preschool.  Once again, it was supposed to be temporary.  I was just going back while I figured out what to do next.  I wouldn't be there long.  Just another...4 years...

Well, as I said in my previous post, I've put in my notice.  My plan is to stay until the end of the school year.  I have no job lined up, but in the past few weeks, I think I've finally decided what I want to do with my life.  I think...I think...I want to be a teacher...

I don't talk a lot about my job here. I think the biggest two reasons are that I don't like to use my blog as a place to complain and that when I am not at work, I don't really want to think about work. Today, I feel like talking about it.

Aside from the 7 months I was a nanny and 3 months afterward of unemployment, I have worked in the same childcare facility since I came home from college in 2004. Actually, the summer before that I worked here as well. In my years here I have seen a lot. I have worked with every age group. I have been a lead morning teacher for every age as well as an afternoon teacher or aid for every age. I have had classes full of kids that were fun to be around and who made me actually enjoy coming to work. I have had classes that were a little rambunctious, but who were still controllable. I have had classes that were so difficult, I would usually find myself breaking down in tears at some point in the day at least once a week. I have worked with awesome teachers who were great at what they did and were wonderful co-workers. I have worked with totally incompetent or lazy or just flat out obnoxious teachers. I have been around wonderful parents who lovers and appropriately disciplined their children and lazy parents and complaining parents and ignorant parents and mean parents and neglectful parents. I have seen abused children and unloved children and spoiled and pampered children. I would say I have seen it all, but I know I have not. There will always be new craziness to surprise me.

My class this year would fit into the category of classes that make me cry. Sometimes it is tears of anger. Other times just simple frustration. Somedays I look at these kids and become terrified about what kind of world they are going to make as they grow up. So many of the children in my care come from homes that are beyond dysfunctional. They have been abandoned by one or both parents, they live with people who are too lazy or stupid to be bothered with them. They have parents who refuse to deal with behavior issues and pretend that they don't exist. They are shuffled around from school to baby sitters. They have parents in prison or rehab or worse. They have seen more ugliness in their few short years than I have seen in my nearly 30 years. Even the ones who come from "normal" homes are often spoiled rotten and mean.

I started out this school year as the lead teacher in the early 3 year old class. My year began well enough. I had a few behavioral issues, but nothing I couldn't handle. Things never stay the same for long in a daycare though. Kids leave and new ones come. Some move up to other classes as younger ones move up into mine. By wintertime this year, my class was becoming something I could not handle. I was angry all the time. I was literally afraid of some of the kids in my class. They would hit me and throw things at me. It was impossible to get anything done or really even have any fun because all my time and energy had to go into crowd control. I felt like a failure. My boss finally suggested moving me to the afternoons when there is less schooling and things are a little more relaxed (plus 2 hours of it is nap time). It was a relief to me. I wouldn't have to worry so much about teaching and getting assessments done on kids and writing lesson plans. I felt like I must be completely incompetent though. Was it just me? Was I too stupid or lazy to do the job? Still, I thought the change would make me like my job again. I thought it would ease the dread I had felt before coming to work each day. It worked...for awhile.

I met the new teacher who would be taking my place. She seemed great for the job. I thought she would do better than I did. I watched as she got started. I talked to her each day when I came in to take over for the afternoon. She was struggling, but she was making it. She had lots of good ideas and for awhile they worked. However, with every passing week, the strain was showing more and more on her face and in her voice. The gimmicks that had helped for a few weeks were losing their novelty for the kids and the behavior problems were increasing. So was the size of the class. New kids were moving up and bringing all new struggles with them. Because of our school policy of always being positive when talking to parents, things were not being addressed at home. The classroom was utter chaos. She was given an aid to assist in the mornings, but even that really didn't help. This morning she walked out...left her class with the aid, got in her car, and drove off.

I feel bad for her. I don't blame her for doing it. I have wanted to do it a million times. Even my easier afternoons are beginning to be almost more than I can handle. I thought it was me. I thought I was a failure. I think the truth is that this group of children is nearly impossible to work with. Today one if the children threatened to get a gun and shoot me in the face. The language that comes out of the mouths of these children would be better suited to the proverbial sailor. They refuse to obey. They do whatever they want. I, as the teacher, am left with very few options. Time out doesn't work, and let's face it, if they don't want to sit, they aren't going to sit. I can't hold them down and work with the rest of the class at the same time. I feel so helpless. I want to love these children and teach them, but without discipline, I can't accomplish anything.

I know it isn't considered PC to spank or discipline a child, but seriously, letting them do whatever they want is not helping them. It is turning them into selfish delinquents. I know I am not a parent, but I am also not ignorant about what raising children entails. I see the consequences of parents' lazy, selfish, or fearful choices every day. I see the children who they are hurting. These children are angry. They don't understand boundaries. They have no respect for authority. They are mean. Is this the kind of adults we want them to be? It terrifies me to think of it.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. ~ Proverbs 22:15

Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish him with a rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death. ~ Proverbs 23:13-14

The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. ~ Proverbs 29:15

Now, please understand that I am not, in any way, advocating child abuse. I am simply asking for discipline...a spanking, a loss of privileges, whatever works for that child. Just do something! Love your kids, play with them, teach them to respect others, hug and kiss them, tell them how amazing they are. Don't shove them off as someone else's problem. Don't just leave them to their own devices and hope for the best. You won't get it, and it makes my job really hard!!!!

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Break Time :)

Yo ho! Long time, no blog! I make no apology for my long absence. First of all, I doubt anyone actually cares. Second, real life should come before blogging anyway. :)

I'm taking a break from writing lesson plans. I hate writing lesson plans. It's been so long since I've had to do them! I think the last time I had to write them was probably in November of 2007! I've gotten spoiled by my put-no-thought-into-it afternoon schedule. However, starting Monday morning, it's back to being a morning, lead teacher. I'm taking over the younger 3 year old class for this new school year. In some ways I'm excited about the change. Other things I'm not looking forward to so much. I'll be getting more hours and will have 3 afternoons off each week...both good things. It will be nice being able to get things done after work. Technically, I could have done things *before* work with my current schedule, but let's face it...Lauren likes to sleep in when she can! I got so lazy! This new schedule will force me to get up and going each day. It will also be nice to feel like I'm actually a teacher again instead of basically just a "babysitter." It's good to have a little purpose in life. :) The lesson plan thing I'm not so much excited about. I think it's my own fault. It probably could be a lot simpler than I make, but I just can't seem to help myself. I think once I get back into the swing of it, it will get easier. The other thing I'm kind of not so thrilled about is the fact that I will *have* to start going to bed at a more reasonable hour each night. I'm not going to be able to function in the mornings at work if I'm staying up till 2 AM. I'll adjust though.

Life seems to be full of changes right now. Some great, some crazy, some weird, some stressful; but all of them are certainly more interesting than being that girl I used to be who spent all her vast amount of free time sitting in her room at her computer. I am barely home anymore, and I don't mind it a bit. Having a life is fun. :)

Well, nap time is over in my classroom. Time to put away the lesson plans and curriculum books and start changing diapers. Aren't you jealous!?

E-LEC-TRICITY! EEEE-LEC-TRICITY!

What could be more fun than some good, old-fashioned static electricity!?

For those of you not in the know, the post title is a nod to School House Rock.

Where A Kid Can Be A Kid

Yesterday I was starting to get a little sad that it had been more than a week since I had seen my nephew and niece. Now, I realize that many people don't get to see their nieces and nephews every week, but I usually do. When I don't, I miss them! I called my sister to see if she wanted to get together, and this morning my nephew called and said, "What do you want to do today?" Chuck E. Cheese just opened up here a few months ago, but we hadn't had a chance to go yet. We decided to meet there for some pizza and good times. My nephew had a blast, and my niece was content and happy the whole time. I'm sure that most of you understand that happy children usually means happy grownups!! We all had a great time. My nephew loved playing all the games. He got very frustrated when he couldn't master skeet ball, but he had fun with everything else. Even my niece got in on the action! It was a great way to start out my day...

too bad work wasn't as much fun! I had a kid get dropped off during nap time after a trip to the doctor for some shots. He was not a happy camper, and he certainly let me know. His crying woke up most of the rest of the class, and none of them went back to sleep (my crier did manage to cry himself to sleep at least). The kids were very good about staying on their mats quietly, but kids - nap = cranky afternoon. Oh well, I've certainly had worse days in preschool land! At least I got to leave a few minutes early.

Smallville will be on in a few minutes. This has, by FAR, been the best season of Smallville yet. No Lana, lots of Lois, Clark actually starting to act like Superman...if the show had been this good from the beginning I think there would be a lot fewer haters out there!

The Joys of Working In Germ Land

Apparently I have re-entered immunity building time. It would seem that, after 10 months of being out of the daycare setting, I have lost that strong immune system I had built up from being around germy kids all the time. After only 4 days back in that environment I am sick. It's not horrible. It seems to just be a sore throat. It is, however, very unpleasant. When I first started at the preschool I had strep throat twice in 2 months. Let's just pray I don't need to go through that again! Thankfully, this spicy chili I made feels very nice on my throat. :D It numbs the pain with a new, more pleasant kind of pain.

This Is Where The Clever Title Goes

This morning I started reading Inkspell by Cornelia Funke. I came across this passage, and I fell in love with it.

Isn't it odd how much fatter a book gets when you've read it several times? As if something were left between the pages every time you read it. Feelings, thoughts, sounds, smells...and then, when you look at the book again many years later, you find yourself there, too, a slightly younger self, slightly different, as if the book had preserved you like a pressed flower...both strange and familiar.


It is so true! It is part of what makes a great book so easy to read again and again.

I've survived my first 2 days back in the working world. I'm in the toddler classroom, and I have some really sweet kids. Naturally, I have some little boogers in there as well. Every classroom has it's boogers, but I don't think it will prove to be anything I can't handle. Let's just hope those words don't come back to bite me in the butt!

It's About Time

I FINALLY heard back from them. Only took them 6 days to respond . Poor thing, she just isn't sure what to do. Should she hire someone like me who is "too calm" and "too nice." Maybe if I come for another visit I will behave differently, and she will be better able to make her decision. Well, let me tell you, I made her decision pretty easy. I told her I had decided to go in a different direction. Even if she had begged me to come work for her I would have most likely turned her down. I'm starting to get excited about the idea of a choir...terrified, but excited. Also, I called my old boss at the preschool this morning. I start back there on Tuesday afternoon. I'm not sure how long I will stay, but I know it's about time I start working again.