MyFitnessPal

I'm going to start tracking my food again.  It's a pain in the butt sometimes, but when I do it with reasonable consistency, I get results.  Exercise is awesome and healthy.  I'm enjoying it, and am going to keep at it, but I know that unless I burn more calories than I consume, I'm not going to lose weight.  So, back to the old MyFitnessPal.

I think need to figure out how to cut back on sugar.  It's so hard! There is sugar in like, everything! I notice that when I'm tracking, I've often met the recommended sugar amount by the time I finish my breakfast. Look at my journal for today.  Just finished lunch and I'm at -29 grams of sugar. Not cool! Honestly, it's not like that's all junk food, but there's loads of sugar in fruit and bread and cereal. I end up just ignoring the sugar and eating whatever anyway.  I think I need to come up with some good breakfasts that are high in protein and low in sugar.  I get so lazy, and end up just pouring myself a bowl of cereal in the morning, but that is silly.  I have time to fix myself a decent breakfast, and I need to start doing it.

MyFitnessPal is pretty awesome though.  It lets me create my own recipes and meals, and it tracks everything.  You can even track exercise with it. It's a handy-dandy little tool.

Consolidation

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with this post.   I just thought you might be feeling the need to gaze upon my countenance.  You're welcome.

Here's the thing about me and blogging; I make all blogging decisions after midnight.  In the wee small hours of the morning, I will suddenly decide to start a new blog or change up a blog or whatever.  Well, my latest decision is to consolidate my blogs.  A girl who can barely keep up with one blog has no business having three.  I haven't posted on the picky chick blog in over a year, and my fitness blog posts are few and far between.  There seems to be no reason to not just post everything in one place.  All my posts from the all over the blogosphere are now here.  You may read or ignore them as you choose. 

Stuck

Every Sunday afternoon, I go with my boyfriend to the grocery store to do his weekly stocking up. Every week, as we walk out the door, he steps up on the huge scale they have there. (Can you imagine a woman stepping willing onto a huge public scale?  ...Proof that men and women are different...but anyone who needed proof of that needs help...) Usually his weight stays right around the same place (a place he's pretty content with...lucky him).  Some weeks it goes down.  Usually it goes down after he's eaten absurdly large amounts of food all week.  Then I want to smack him.
 
When you work your butt off, but see no results, it's frustrating.  For over a month I've been going to the gym at least 5 days a week.  I have only missed working out 1 day since I joined the gym, and that was because work was crazy busy and I just never had time before I had to leave for Bible study group.  I'm not just messing around at the gym either.  I'm working out, and I'm working out hard.  I've been doing weights 3 days a week and cardio 5 days a week, but I'm just not seeing any visible results.  I know that it takes time, and I intend to keep at it, but I'm not gonna lie...it's making me mad! The scale has not moved (thankfully, it isn't going up either) and my clothes are not getting any looser.  It's making me crazy!

I'm guessing that my lack of weight loss (or even inch loss) can be attributed to my diet.  I have been doing a lot better than I was, but I think I need to really start tracking again.  It's just such a royal pain!   Why can my boyfriend eat a like 3 to 4 times more than me at a meal, and actually LOSE weight? Meanwhile, I'm working out everyday and trying to eat reasonably healthy, and the scale won't budge?

Day 1 at the Gym

This morning I went for my consultation with the trainer at the gym.  We talked about my goals and she showed me around the gym.  She gave me a basic idea of how to set up my workouts, but honestly, I was a little overwhelmed.  Of course she encouraged me to get some personal training, but when I'm already shelling out the monthly fee, I can't really afford to add anything else.  I'll do my best to figure it all out.  Thankfully, the gym has a nice website with lots of workout plans and ideas. 

Tonight I went back to get in my first workout.  I wasn't really sure what to do, and I felt pretty self-conscious.  There weren't a lot of people in there as it was after staffed hours.  There was one personal trainer working with some guys though.  I felt like he was judging me the whole time.  He kept looking at me, and I'd imagine he was thinking, "That stupid girl is doing that all wrong!"  However, I just kept at it, and tried to convince myself that he was looking at me because I'm just so dang hot. I can't say that I ever actually made myself believe, but I tried.

I spent about 30 minutes doing leg stuff on the weight machines and then another 30 on the treadmill and stair climber while I watched Doctor Who on my iphone.  I think I've found myself a better plan online that I'll start implementing tomorrow, but it was a start at least.  It's fun, and I certainly feel good afterward, but I'm still feeling very nervous about the whole thing. Hopefully it will get less awkward soon.    



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Decision Time

About 5 minutes from my house is a gym.  I pass it on my way home from everywhere.  Every time I do, I think, I should stop in there and just ask some questions...get a feel for the place.  I never did though.  I'm such a chicken.  Last night one of my very favorite people was chatting with me online and pretty much told me that I MUST go in and find out about it.  When she tells me I must do things, I often actually do them.  I don't know why.  I don't do this for other people.  She just always manages to give me the right push.  A little over 3 years ago, she told me I MUST take this guy up on his offer to go to the zoo with him and his boys for the day.  I'd already turned him down because I was to nervous, but the morning of I texted him and said I'd changed my mind.  I'm still dating that guy today. :) I'd wanted to go all along, but I just needed someone to make me do it.  Anyway, after her telling me last night that I WAS going to join a gym, today I marched my lazy butt over there and signed up!

Tomorrow I have an appointment to meet with a trainer. She'll help me get started with a plan and show me how to use everything.  I'm kind of nervous, but I'm also excited about it! The place seemed really nice and clean, and it smelled good.  The lady I spoke with was super friendly and relaxed.  I didn't feel any pressure or judgement.  I thought about going home and thinking it over first, but I knew if I didn't do it then, I'd probably never come back. 

I'll see how it goes.  I have two weeks to try it out.  If I don't like it, they will refund my money.  Now I just have to make sure I actually go!  I think the knowledge that I'm committed to monthly payments will help me get off my hind end, and get myself in shape!

I CAN!

I don't know how I'm going to do this.  I really don't.  It has to be done though.  Tonight I put on a pair of pants that used to be my comfy loose pants.  Folks, they were almost too tight.  I had to squeeze a bit.  That made me really said.  I don't have one pair of pants that I'm comfortable in anymore.  I really need to get myself back down to where I'm comfortable in my own skin (and my pants).

So, I decided tonight that I was going to start doing better.  I began by only eating half of my pulled pork sandwich at Rib City.  Of course, I ate all my sweet potato fries, but it's something, right? Ugh, why is it so hard?! I know. I know.  Things that are worthwhile take work.  Life isn't easy.  Suck it up, Buttercup!

I need an exercise program I can stick with.  I need to just make myself do it. Every. Single. Day.  I need to start saying no to putting garbage in my body.  I need to stay focused. I need to tell myself that I CAN DO THIS! Every day people do things that are hard.  Harder than saying no to a cookie or yes to exercise.  I can be healthy and fit.  I CAN!

I am so disappointed in myself. Honestly, I feel disgusting.  I am not making wise food choices or getting proper exercise.  I feel fat and lazy and unhealthy.  I don't know how to keep myself motivated.  I need some kind of help, but I don't know where to find it.  I look back at pictures of myself after I lost weight, and I am jealous of myself.  It isn't that I have gone back to what I was before the weight came off, but I am not that happy, healthy feeling person I was afterward either.  The first couple years after I lost the weight, I felt great about myself.  Suddenly I loved having my picture taken and shopping for new clothes.  I wasn't perfect, but I had worked hard to get where I was, and by golly, I was proud of myself. I do not feel that today.  I miss it.

Carrot and Grapefruit Flatbread

Today's lunch is another wacky combo that turned out pretty tasty. It's all about using what you have on hand! Today I had grapefruit and some leftover Honey Dijon steam in the bag carrots. I put a little of each on my hummus coated, cheese sprinkled flatbread. Of course I also added a little jerk seasoning because, well, yum. It was pretty tasty!




Eating right is hard work!! There are always delicious things out there tempting me. I have lemon bars leftover from Bible Study on Tuesday. I have Easter candy to eat. My boyfriend's countertop is covered in bags of chips and boxes of cookies. (Thankfully, at least the store bought cookies don't particularly tempt me.) There is ice cream in the freezer. Then, just when I have resisted it all, some kid at work will have a birthday and bring in cupcakes! What's a girl to do?

It isn't that I think I need to cut it all out. It's just that I have this crazy tendency of eating ice cream and then craving chips afterward and then needing something sweet again after the salty and so on and so forth. It's a terrible downhill slide.

Today I am going to try to just avoid junk food. If I don't start, I won't keep needing more. That will work, right? Maybe? Guess we will see how it goes.

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Back on the Wagon With Flatbread Pizza

I like to eat weird stuff. Not so much strange or exotic foods, but odd combinations of food. When I was much pickier, I had to come up with creative ways to put the few foods I liked together so I wouldn't get bored. I found that combos that aren't exactly normal can actually be very tasty.

I am an especially big fan of putting unlikely things together on flatbread for fun pizza meals. Today I made a delicious hummus and pear flatbread. At approximately 260 calories, it made for a great lunch (I had it alongside the rest of the pear and some peas).




It was pretty simple to make.

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

1 Flatbread - I normally use Flat-Outs 90 calorie flatbreads but this time I tried Joseph's multi-grain flat bread (also 90 calories).

1 1/2 Tablespoons* of whatever hummus tickles your fancy - I used Publix Chili Lime hummus

2 Tablespoons* of shredded mozzarella (If I'd had it on hand, I probably would used 1 tablespoon of goat cheese and 1 tablespoon of mozzarella.)

About 1/5 of a pear, diced

2 Tablespoons of peas (I happened to have had these leftover. If I'd had peppers or cooked carrots or something, I may have used that instead. The peas were good though!)

1 Tablespoon raisins

A sprinkle of Jerk seasoning (if you are in to that kind of thing. Jerk seasoning makes my world go around.)

Spread the hummus on the flatbread, add the cheese and other toppings, and sprinkle on the seasoning. Bake for about 10 minutes or until the cheese is bubbly and the flatbread is lightly browned on the edges.

Enjoy!

*Obviously, if you aren't concerned about calories, you can always add more hummus and cheese.

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Failure

I feel like crap. I don't know what my problem is! It's like I can't stop snacking on my lunch break, and I can't get motivated to work out. How the heck am I going to get fit if I keep filling my body with crap and avoiding exercise?? Every bite feels good while I am eating it, but afterward I feel like a huge failure. I need to get my butt in gear and show some self control!

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Balance

This totally counts as a healthy snack, right?

Right?

Anybody?

Ok, fine. It is total crap. I admit it. I also admit that every few seconds I stop typing so I can pop of few of these babies in my mouth. To be honest, I am not even ashamed of it. I don't think I will ever be the kind of person who can cut dessert out of life. I don't think you have to stop eating the things you enjoy to be healthy and lose weight. It is all about balance.

For breakfast today I had a slice of whole grain toast with just a leettle peanut butter and a half of a banana on top. It was yummy, reasonably healthy, and kept me from having to endure a growling stomach by 10:30. I find that cereal for breakfast leaves me way too hungry within just a couple of hours.

For lunch I had a big veggie salad with a sprinkling of pomegranate red wine vinegar, a piece of string cheese, and a small bowl of oatmeal ( not the instant kind ). I used 1/4 cup of old fashioned oats, 1 tablespoon of raisins, a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg, 1/2 cup of 2% milk, and about a 1/2 teaspoon of honey. Yum!

I feel that my choices were healthy enough to justify 1 tablespoon full of Nerds. I do not, however, think that I would be justified in sitting down with the big box of Nerds and eating as much as I would like. Balance.

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Healthy Yumminess

When I am with my boyfriend for meals, we eat good, but not always particularly healthy. We enjoy cooking together, and we make all sorts of yummy things, but I usually have to be very careful about my portions with what we make. Last night I had dinner alone at my house, and I took advantage of the opportunity by fixing myself a huge-mungo salad.

I loaded that sucker up with spinach, broccoli, mini sweet peppers, tomato, pineapple, blueberries, a spoonful of Almond Accents, and a splash of balsamic vinegar. I topped it off with a couple of chopped eggs. I toasted a whole wheat soft pretzel (more on that in a moment) to have with it. It was soooooo yummy. When I get out of the habit of eating healthy, I kind of forget how delicious the good for me stuff really is.
On Saturday, I got a hankering to try my hand at making soft pretzels. I decided to go with all whole wheat flour to make them a bit healthier. I used this recipe, and tweaked it a bit by cutting it in half and boiling the dough in a baking soda solution before baking them. I also added a couple teaspoons of vital wheat gluten. They turned out ok, but I wasn't thrilled with them. They were a little soggy from boiling them, and they just weren't as great as I had hoped. The leftovers have been sitting in a container on my counter since then. They had gotten soggier with time and were looking a little unappealing. I didn't want to waste them though, so I decided to see what would happen if I toasted them. I am so glad I did! It was the perfect solution. They got toasty and crisp on the outside and soft and chewy inside. Of course they were no Auntie Anne's, but they were yummy and a lot healthier.
Here is a general breakdown of nutrition. I made 8 pretzels from half the original recipe. Of course, it is a lot of sodium, but aside from that they are decently good-for-you-ish.

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Journaling

Why is it that when I feel like I eat more than I should, I don't want to log it? After all, it isn't as though not entering the calories will stop them from reaching my waist line. In fact, I think that makes it worse. I kind of give up and just eat whatever the crap I want.
Last night I made a tray (a small one, but still) of Lasagna my boyfriend, his boys and myself for dinner. Lasagna is so not a diet food, but you know, I am not on a diet. I am teaching myself to eat right and choose healthy portions. I admit, I ate a little more than I probably should have. I didn't really need that second piece of cheesy garlic bread. Still, once I convinced myself to calculate it all up and enter it, I think that for a weekend, I didn't do too badly. I just wish I had said no to those two little Reese's cups I saw on my counter when I got home. I am certain that if I had already calculated my dinner at that time, I would have resisted.
I use MyFittness Pal to keep track of my food. It is a very handy little tool. Back when I lost all the weight before, there was no such helpful program available to me. I used this huge book of nutrition facts to look up everything and then log it in a notebook. It was a royal pain in the rear, but I did it. Having it all right in my iPhone is so much quicker and simpler.

Not all of these entries are exact. (I had a lot more veggies on my burger than that, but I was tired of looking them up when I know they amount to almost nothing.) Sometimes I just pick something similar because I can't find the exact think I am looking for.

I also have to guess at measurements sometimes. I try to be as honest as possible with my food journal. It is easy to cheat and say I ate less than I did, but let's be honest, the only person I am cheating is myself.

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And The Number Is...

As I said before, the first time I lost weight, i failed to weigh myself first. I did not want that to be the case this time, so I did a weigh in on Saturday. I wanted to know basically where I was starting so I can track my progress. I am going to suck it up and put that number here because I know that it is just a number and that no one but me is going to judge me for it. (If I am wrong, keep it to yourself!). I currently weigh 156 lbs. There, I said it. Considering I once weighed around 220, I am not going to let myself feel too bad about that number! I am, however, going to make it smaller.
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Bouncing B...Well, You'll Get The Idea...

Today at work we had some instructors from a local gym come over to give an assembly on exercise and eating healthy. At one point they had us all running in place. Afterward one of the four year olds (oh right, to be clear I should mention that I work at a preschool) said to me, "When you run, your things (pointing to his chest but clearly referring to mine) go up and down!!" Yes, little buddy, yes they do. One reason why I don't love running and jumping exercise!

I have been doing pretty well with cutting my calories the past few days. I have been keeping it around 1200-1300 calories a day, and I am trying hard to make those calories count instead of filling up on a bunch of crap. Tuesday night we had tacos, so this week for my lunches I have been using the leftovers to make veggie quesadillas with just a leettle bit (about 2 TBLs) of cheese. Yum! Tonight the boyfriend and I went out to Bajio for dinner.  Oh my word, that place is amazing. It's similar in idea to Moe's, but it's soooo much better.  Of course, it helps that they put sugar in like, everything.  I had a burrito bowl with sweet rice, black beans, sweet pulled pork, lettuce, pico, mango salsa, pineapple, jalapenos, cilantro, and lime.  Man it was yummy.  I didn't even miss the cheese, sour cream, and guacamole (ok, maybe the guac a little). I ate a little more than half of it and gave the rest to my boyfriend.  Somehow he can eat all of his food plus half of mine and often even more without gaining weight.  *Sigh* so unfair...  I wish every restaurant would post their nutrition facts.  It makes things so much easier! I kind of had to guess based on what something similar would be at Moe's and then add a little more because of all the sugar.

I haven't done so hot with working out this week. My lunch breaks have been pretty busy, but I know I need to make the time. I did get in about 20 minutes today, and I felt pretty good afterward.  Working out definitely wakes me up and improves my mood.  It's just getting motivated to get going that is somehow always so hard. A few weeks back, I started the 30 Day Shred.  I did really well for the first two weeks.  I stuck with it everyday, and I was feeling amazing...if a little sore.  But it seems like something always derails me, and then I can't get myself back on track.  I thinking about maybe mixing a little of The Shred in with some other workouts.  I am trying to keep with the technique of mixing things up so that my body doesn't get used to any one movement.  Unfortunately, the move it likes best seems to be the one where I put my butt on the couch for an hour and half and watch DVDs of Lois and Clark or Boy Meets World. 

 

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Goals

Back when I started losing weight the first time, I didn't really set any concrete goals for myself. I just wanted to be smaller and healthier. At that point, every dropped size and pound was a victory. At size 18, a size 10 or even 12 sounds pretty desirable.
I had no idea what I would be capable of, so I just did the best that I could do. I was excited when I hit size 14. I was over the moon about 10, and getting into a size 8 was a major thrill. Although I managed to squeeze into some 6s at select stores, I never really got myself into that size. I was happy though. The difference a year and a few months made to my life was unbelievable. I had more energy. I enjoyed shopping for clothes. I wasn't mortified in a bathing suit. It was wonderful.

Unfortunately, the farther away I get from the time when I was wearing a size 18, the harder it is to remember what being that big felt like. I think that is part of what has allowed me to get lazy. I don't really, truly remember being that girl, so I appreciate less the work it took to get me to here. I don't want that to be the case!

Today I mostly wear a size 10. My size 8 clothes are very tight and, to be honest, my 10s don't really feel all that great either. Size 10 does not have the appeal it did all those years ago. I know now that I can do better than this!

I still can't say that I have a specific goal. There is no magic size or pound number that I feel would make me happy. I guess my goals are to retrain myself to better control how much I eat and to get back in to the habit of picking healthier foods. As far as size goes, I just want to be comfortable with my body. I want to feel healthy and have lots of energy and to be able to enjoy shopping for clothes again. I know that I will never be perfect, but I want to be always working at being the best Lauren I can be.

And just for the heck of it, here is a shot of me and my boyfriend visiting the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile on my birthday earlier this month.


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Beginnings

In College - 2002

I wasn't always large.  As a child, I was pretty average (and also pretty dang adorable. )  Around middle school, I started putting on the weight.  I can't give you any psychological reasons for it. I just did.  I like to eat, I liked to eat unhealthy food, and I did NOT like to be active. By the time I graduated college I was probably around 220 lbs. I tended to avoid scales, so I can't say for sure. For Christmas 2006, my family went on a cruise. It was an amazing trip, but I remember looking at the pictures afterward and thinking how big I looked. I'd wanted to lose weight for years, but it wasn't until that cruise that I really got to the point where I was serious about it. I wanted a change, and I knew I was the only one who could make it happen.

Me at the end of 2006

January 2, 2007, I started my journey to a smaller me. I began to count my calories and cut my portions. I was a super picky eater at the time, so I just did my best with the foods I was already eating. Instead of an entire platter of chicken tenders and fries, I would limit myself to two chicken tenders and half of my fries. At home I would make myself half of a PB&J and eat fruit instead of chips. I measured my peanut butter, my cereal, my blueberries, and my 1/2 cup of frozen yogurt.

Summer 2007 after I started losing weight

Honestly, once I got started, it was easy. That initial weight quickly dropping off, and it was exciting. After a while I decided to start branching out with my foods. I started small with things like grilled chicken instead of fried. Slowly I started to make my meals healthier instead of just smaller. The weight came off and I felt amazing. People were noticing. I was getting compliments everywhere. 

By the end of the year I was down to about 160 lbs. When we went up to Michigan for Christmas, my relatives were amazed at the change. After Christmas I continued to count calories and got myself down to about 145-150. I felt pretty good about myself and stopped the constant counting. I tried to just keep my portions down and continue eating healthy. 

Spring of 2008

I did really well for 2008 and 2009.  I kept the weight off and I felt awesome. Somewhere around 2010 it started to get a little harder.  I was changing my picky eating ways, and food was becoming more and more interesting.  I wanted to try more things and experience more foods.  I was getting out of the habit of being careful about portions.  The past few years I've struggled with a lot of ups and downs with my weight.  I've never gained back a lot of the weight, but I've gained back enough that I'm uncomfortable with myself.  My clothes don't fit right, and I feel sluggish.  I want to get back to being happy and feeling good in my own body.

I'm going to try to keep track of my process here with this blog.  Maybe it will keep me accountable.  Maybe it will make it fun. We'll see what happens.  Tomorrow morning I'm going to go back to counting calories, and I'm going to try to use my super long lunch breaks to get in a good work out.  Wish me luck!  Actually, wish me stick-to-itivness!